As any man who’s been in a relationship with a woman is likely to understand, women don’t always appreciate the male approach to problems – fixing. Sometimes they just want to talk, share and feel the emotions.
So if you want to know how to give a woman an orgasm, it’s important to avoid this very masculine approach to making her come – that is, treating your sexual experience with her like it’s some kind of a challenge or problem.
Make Her Feel Good
When you want to make a woman come, what she’s going to enjoy is an approach to sex which makes her feel like you’re right there with her, sharing the experience, loving every minute of it, enjoying the sensuality, and feeling intimate with her.
But good gracious, I hear you shout, you’re a man, how can you do that emotional stuff and give a woman an orgasm at the same time?
Well, it’s possible. The answer is to be so confident in what you’re doing with a woman that way you can relax. That way you can bring her off AND you’ll feel close to her at the same time. And when you really know how to give a woman an orgasm, she’ll feel your confidence and respond to it.
But Don’t Believe Everything You Read
If you look around the Internet, much of material that’s been published about how to make a woman come, how to help her achieve orgasm, is very much along the lines of an instruction manual.
But knowing how to give a girl an orgasm isn’t just about the fastest way to bring her to orgasm. It’s about knowing how to make a woman come, as well as knowing how to her happy, and ensuring that you know how to please her in bed physically and satisfy her emotionally both in and out of bed.
So let’s get started on this definitely non-instruction-manual approach to satisfying sex and pleasing a woman in bed.
There are many ways you can help a woman to reach orgasm.
But first and foremost among them is what we could call “unconscious foreplay”. In other words, you show her how much you love her and how much you want to share pleasure with her in subtle ways that mean a great deal to any woman.
You might want to leave a romantic love note in her underwear drawer which she’s going to find after you’ve left for work, or you might want to send her flowers unexpectedly, so she gets a delivery while you’re out of the house. You might want to send her a romantic text message, or to spend more time kissing and hugging her, so that she knows how valuable she is to you.
That’s good foreplay!
Most men find foreplay a trifle tedious, but it doesn’t have to be – if you incorporate it into every aspect of your daily life, it’s fun!
This is the kind of romancing that a woman needs to make her feel sexual.
You know that old cliche about men needing sex to feel loving? Well it’s true, but so is the other one, about women needing to be loved to feel sexy.
So, moving on, did you know that most women find kissing extremely sexy? That women love to kiss, provided it’s done skilfully and with love and care? Studies have shown that kissing your partner reduces the level of cortisol in your system.
And to revert to an instruction manual approach for a minute, get this: as you kiss her, tilt your head to the right. Apparently scientists in Germany found this has more of a positive impact on a woman than any other orientation. It makes her (somewhat improbably) think of you as more caring, and she then produces more oxytocin (the bonding hormone) in her system. Who knew?
Another thing. When you have her in a romantic, ahem, situation, you’re not simply going to kiss her mouth, are you? Women’s bodies are sensitive all over, and they respond well to gentle and sensitive kissing.
Getting Down To Business
Of course the main objective here is to ensure you know how to give a woman an orgasm. So, you’re beginning to take off some clothes, I would imagine, at this stage of the process.
Each time you, or she, takes off some article of clothing, stand back for a moment and look at her body and admire it. It’s hard for a man to understand how self-conscious a woman can be about her appearance, particularly in a sexual situation. Women constantly appraise how beautiful or attractive they are, mostly in comparison to other women, but also in comparison to some internal standard of beauty that they live by.
Your woman wants and needs nothing more than to be appreciated, admired, reassured and cherished – not just once, but over and over again – to make her feel confident about her body.
And of course when she feels confident about her body, she’s also going to feel sexy, because that way she can relax into her physicality, and open up to the possibility of reaching orgasm without fear of judgement from you.
You’ve probably heard many times that when you’re trying to make a woman come, when you’re trying to get a girl to orgasm, you don’t go straight for the parts of her body that might be most attractive to you – breasts, clitoris, vulva and so on.
You need to tease her, working your way round to her vulva and breasts, gently stroking up towards her vulva and then veering off the last minute, for example.
This teasing is going to raise her anticipation and will get her more aroused – which is going to make her orgasm more easily, and the more excited she is, the more powerful her orgasm will be!
When you finally do move from stroking her body to stroking her sexually sensitive areas, make sure you do it right. You have to know how to give a woman an orgasm so you’re confident in bed, remember?
Take Your Time Before Penetration!
You might be accustomed to turning her on, and then, just as she’s getting aroused, plunging into her, thrusting vigorously, and reaching your own orgasm quickly.
Now, although that might be an attractive recipe for your sexual menu, it’s not going to do very much for her. In fact it’s probably going to leave her “hanging”, aroused and unsatisfied, without an orgasm. And you really don’t want her to masturbate to orgasm after you’ve gone to sleep, do you? Do you? No, of course not…..
So the most reliable route to orgasm, the easiest way to bring a woman off, is to enjoy oral sex with her.
What every woman wants in the way of oral clitoral stimulation is different, so you’re going to have to be sensitive to her feedback… Which she’s going to give you in her body movements and the sounds she makes.
If she’s aroused she’ll probably raise her vulva towards your mouth; if you feel her moving away from your mouth slightly, then you may not be doing the thing that would turn her on most.
But if you hear her moaning, keep doing what you’re doing, and keep the pace steady – unlike you, she’s going to want a steady rhythm of stimulation until she’s very near orgasm (then you can speed up).
You can bring her off with oral pleasure (cunnilingus), and she’ll most likely be very grateful for that, because most women say that oral pleasure is their very favourite sexual activity.
But, if you’re a competent lover – sorry, wrong word – I mean, if you are a man who can last for a long time in bed, you might want to move from clitoral stimulation with your tongue to penetration and intercourse.
Judge the mood right: she might like you to ask “May I enter you now, Goddess?”, or she may just want to be taken! In any event only move to penetration if you’re confident you can last long enough before your ejaculation to give her an orgasm, bringing her off or making her come through vaginal stimulation with your erect cock or by additional clitoral stimulation with your hand.
Apparently a study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine revealed that the average time to climax for a woman is seven minutes after penetration. That seems like a very doubtful statistic to me because very few women reach orgasm through penetrative sex alone. (The best estimate is that around 15% of women can reach orgasm through vaginal intercourse without additional clitoral stimulation.)
So regardless how the mad scientists came up with that number, if you want to make a woman come, if you want to give a woman an orgasm, you are most likely going to either give her clitoral stimulation with your fingers as you thrust into her, or use the coital alignment technique.
Happily, I’ve written a site on the coital alignment technique, so you can read all about it, and work out how it might help you, but if you want the shortcut – here’s a video which tells you something about it.
Video – Coital Alignment Technique
Surely, by this stage she should be starting to grip the sheets, moan with excitement, and starting to approach her orgasm. And as a man with good ejaculation control, you can wait until she comes, at which point you can come too.
Apparently the couple who come together, stay together! Scientists have found that experiencing orgasm together is very good for feelings of intimacy, the health of your relationship, and emotional connection with your partner. In fact, men and women who have more orgasms, have better relationships and their relationships last longer. So the more you know about how to make a woman come, the better for all concerned. No surprise there, I’m guessing?