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how premature ejaculation affects women

The Effects Of Premature Ejaculation On Men and Women

The Effects Of Premature Ejaculation On Men and Women

Mariano Sotomayor has considered how premature ejaculation affects men who experience it. He observes that premature ejaculation is under-detected and under-treated, while men who have this condition often feel stigmatized and embarrassed by the condition, and unable to discuss it with doctors.

In addition, they often perceive themselves as having little or no control over their ejaculation, a fact which is reflected in the lowered satisfaction with sex that they and their partners experience. Indeed, it’s noticeable that many men who have premature ejaculation are in a relationship with a female partner who also experiences female sexual dysfunction.

His basic thesis is that it’s essential for the purpose of developing effective treatment for premature ejaculation to consider how it affects the man concerned. A great deal of information about premature ejaculation is entirely subjective, so to the extent that any man sees himself, or his sexual performance, as different from the majority, he could be considered to have the condition.

Unfortunately, the difference in perception as to what actually constitutes normal ejaculatory latency time between countries is so great that it makes diagnosis, and by implication treatment, of premature ejaculation much more difficult.

Time Between Penetration and Ejaculation

It has been found that European men think that an average time between penetration and ejaculation is 9 to 10 minutes, but even within this reasonably unified geographical area, there are large differences in perception of what constitutes normal: for example, in the UK, 9.9 minutes is considered normal by men, whilst in Germany, 6.9 minutes is considered normal.

What’s noticeable in almost every country is that female perception of the time between penetration ejaculation – ejaculatory latency time – is actually both lower and more accurate, strongly suggesting that men overestimate their ability to sustain intercourse.

In attempting to establish how many men in the population actually experience something that could justifiably be called premature ejaculation,  a research panel in the United States asked 2,056 men a number of questions about their experience of sexual intercourse.

32.5% of men said that they ejaculated before they wished to do so the majority of times they had sexual intercourse. Therefore, from this subjective point of view, we could say that PE’s prevalence in the general population is around 32.5%.

There was a follow-up question as well, which asked these men how much of a problem premature ejaculation was for them. Of the 32.5%, about half said that the speed of their ejaculation caused “little or no problem”, whilst just over a third said it was “somewhat” of a problem, and the remainder said it was a major problem for them.

This work established a baseline against which the researchers could test other measures of premature ejaculation symptoms of premature ejaculation including the level of ejaculatory control men felt they had during sex.

Unsurprisingly, the majority of men who reported themselves as dissatisfied with their ejaculatory latency time said that they felt they had little control over ejaculation. But slightly surprisingly, perhaps, men who see themselves as coming too quickly don’t always express dissatisfaction with sexual intercourse.

The correlation between ejaculation speed and level of sexual satisfaction is much lower than it is between ejaculation speed and a perception of lack of ejaculatory control.

The same is NOT true of delayed ejaculation, where the delay before ejaculation is so long that few men will be unaware they have a problem. This is slightly surprising in view of the fact that clinicians and sex therapists who deal with men who have premature ejaculation know that men are frequently extremely eager to find a solution.

Of course one of the reasons that this anomaly appears in scientific research is the fact that so few men who ejaculate quickly are willing or able to seek advice or help about the speed of their ejaculation.

The same, incidentally, is true of men who have delayed ejaculation – very few of them seek help for the problem, perhaps because of the shame and embarrassment that surround the problem.  Read more about the causes and treatment here too.

Self-help treatments used by men who ejaculate too quickly include using multiple condoms, masturbation before sexual interaction, trying to use mental distraction, and thrusting harder and faster in an attempt to sexually satisfy their partner. The regrettable thing is that many of these techniques actually make premature ejaculation worse because they ignore the sexual sensations (the premonitory sensations) that need to be controlled in order to improve ejaculatory latency time.

Premature Ejaculation

There is a big distinction between the number of men who think they have sexual dysfunction and those who seek help for it: in the UK, one survey found 64% of men with sexual dysfunction wished to obtain some kind of therapeutic assistance, but actually only 6% did so.

One of the reasons for this, as far as premature ejaculation is concerned, is that there is a clear stigma to the condition, which labels men as either inadequate lovers or lacking in masculinity.

Even if a man is courageous enough to go and speak to a doctor about his “condition”, the embarrassment for both the man and his doctor may prevent effective and useful discussion taking place.

In the circumstances it is no surprise that men find it easier to persuade themselves that the condition is temporary, or psychological, or that it will go away with time, or that it doesn’t actually need treating.

It is arguable that delayed ejaculation is a condition which requires treatment, even when men refuse to admit that their sexual performance is unsatisfactory to their partners. This is because there can be much more serious consequences – a lack of pregnancy, difficulty with achieving orgasmic pleasure for the woman, and emotional self-denigration for the man.

In the end, most men who seek help do so because the level of distress, frustration, stress, and effects on partner dissatisfaction is so high that the relationship may be threatened.

The Emotional Burden of Ejaculation Dysfunction

This is mostly shame, low self-esteem, embarrassment and feelings of inferiority compared to other men. Anxiety is also common.

his is the danger of premature ejaculation: danger that is not often recognized in the jokes that are commonly applied to it: that it continually reduces a man’s sexual self-confidence and self-esteem.

In research work, almost 70% of men with PE speak about their confidence being lowered by PE, and that’s not just in sexual situations, but life in general. 36% of men speak of anxiety accompanying their tendency to ejaculate too quickly.

In fact, anxiety is both a cause and effect of premature ejaculation; depression, too, is also associated with the condition. This is not surprising when you learn that it’s a common finding that men with PE are almost 3 times more likely to be diagnosed with depression, an emotion that may be a consequence of mutual mistrust and sexual dissatisfaction within the relationship.

In most cases, advice about how to avoid premature ejaculation is discussed within the framework of male and female heterosexual relationships, and comparatively little has been written about gay relationships.

What we know is that within the male-female relationship, a woman’s emotions about her partner’s problems can range from compassion and understanding to anger, recrimination and frustration. A woman may perceive the male partner to be selfish.

Why? Well, the lack of communication within most relationships becomes very clear when one learns that most women are surprised to discover that their partner feels bad about his lack of control in bed.

It’s unsurprising in relationships where the man ejaculates quickly that sexual pleasure is diminished in this way, nor is it surprising that there is a correlation between female anorgasmia and male rapid ejaculation.

Unfortunately, one of the things that confuses treatment and diagnosis of premature ejaculation is that many of the men who have it, think that they actually have some kind of “quality-of-life” issue. Some scientific research evidence suggests that this is because PE is often associated with lifestyle and personality issues such as recent divorce and levels of education (men with less education are more likely to ejaculate quickly, it transpires).

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What Women Want From Men During Sex (Part 1)

What women want from men during sex

Why do women have sex? It’s an interesting question once you get beyond what seems most clear: to have kids and because it feels pleasurable.

Two University of Texas research scientists tried to establish the deeper motives about why women to go to bed with their male partners.

Through an online survey of over 1,000 women aged between 18 to 87 they found that women aren’t very different from men.

The survey enquired of women if they had ever engaged in sex for any of the 237 reasons listed in the study. If they replied that they had, they were prompted to describe one of their specific sexual experiences.

So, what are the most important reasons women have sex?

The primary reason is that they’re attracted to their partner, and want physical pleasure and gratification. Next down the list was the desire for love or emotional bonding.

This compares to men’s reasons – pleasure and bonding in that order. It’s a sign of a more enlightened era, perhaps, that women who participated in the research were enjoying sex because of the pleasure it provides.

Of course, there’s a natural bias in this sex research – the women who took part are self-selected. The researchers tried to eliminate that by keeping answers confidential, but even so – is this representative of all women? Who knows? The women claimed to be of all ages and from several countries, so it might be.

The researchers expected women to have many reasons for engaging in sex, but some were a surprise: a lot of women claimed they had sex to bring them closer to God.

And revenge featured high on the list: having sex with someone else just because their partner was unfaithful. Competition was also a motive: imagine a group of women in a bar trying to see who can get a man to have sex with them.

And a lot of younger women claimed sex was just “another notch on their belt”. (At this point I’m wondering if it was men filling in the answers!)

Men will be astounded to hear that some women just wanted to get rid of their virginity.

And just to show how deeply engrained in the female psyche is the idea of pleasing men, some women had sex with a man because they felt sorry for him (e.g. he couldn’t get another date or hadn’t had sex!).

And of course, some women had sex for money or drugs or other material gains…..read about it all here.

Video – why women have sex

But still, it’s clear that most women would like sex to be an act of love between two people who care about each other deeply – not an act of pleasure in bed or sexual release as it so often is for men.

Women who are having sex outside a long term loving relationship may even be cutting themselves off from their own emotions, so that they avoid the feelings of loss and emptiness that sex for sex’s sake can produce – in other words, they are doing what men do – having sex because it feels good.

But this is more natural for a man than a woman. So, if men want to produce greater arousal and sexual responsiveness in their female partners, these are the things men need to know.

Men: they all have the same theme – caring for your partner and making her emotionally important to you!

1 Give good foreplay and massage

Massage has many benefits in increasing feelings of well-being, health and satisfaction. But it also makes a woman sexually aroused.

It seems that a woman’s skin is a sexual organ in a way that most men’s aren’t – probably because women associate touch with love and care (think of the cradling between a woman and her infant): and love and care with a partner naturally lead to sexual intercourse, which is the ultimate expression of love between two people.

Therefore, if you massage your partner she will be both more loving and more aroused – and, by the way, so will you if your receive massage from her. There is no need to learn complicated techniques of massage – all you need are a pair of hands, a warm room, and a bottle of massage oil.

Rubbing her back with long slow movements is always good – and if you ask her for feedback on whether she would like more oil, and more or less pressure, and where she would like you to move your hands, you will find that it all becomes surprisingly easy.

Long slow strokes are better than short quick movements, though circular movements can also be great at relieving tension.

And the feet, arms, hands, thighs and ankles are all especially sensitive. Read about vaginal massage here.

Why foreplay is important to women seems to be a mystery to many men, but one thing’s for sure – women all want more of it! The average time women want on foreplay is 20 minutes.

This may seem like a long time, but many women will reach orgasm after this long at foreplay with a loving partner, because they will be sufficiently turned on and aroused.

Women’s sexual responses are different to men – men can be turned on very quickly, and come very quickly, but women need to be aroused slowly to feel the spark of passion burning brightly.

(And before you remind yourself about the quickie on the floor when you got through the door last night, of course women are sometimes just as horny as men – but in general, they need more foreplay to enjoy sex as much as men.)

Women place a lot of emphasis on the environment in which sex takes place – a romantic and sensuous environment is important, because it speaks of love and care.

So though you may find perfumed candles and satin sheets a drag, remember that they might be important to your partner – and do your best to create a loving atmosphere in the bedroom.

Another aspect of foreplay worth remembering is that women are turned onto their partners by acts of love that extend throughout the day.

A kind word, a gentle touch, a surprise gift: all of these things, and many more – in fact any gesture that demonstrates you care – can serve to heighten the passion in the bedroom.

2 Learn to enjoy oral sex – and be good at it!

Women love oral sex. There are many reasons why.

First, nothing else feels as good as a warm, wet tongue sliding across a woman’s vulva and clitoris. Second, it is a powerful show of love and intimacy and suggests how much you love your partner and want her to achieve sexual fulfillment. Third, it offers profound intimacy and allows women to rapidly lose themselves into sheer sexual pleasure.

And fourth, no matter what the size of your cock, you can give good head. Truly, a man with good cunnilingus skills can be the most popular lover in the world!

Moreover, when a good session of cunnilingus, which in itself is almost guaranteed to bring a woman off, is combined with your finger stimulating her G-spot (see the G spot page of this site), the blend of clitoral and G-spot stimulation produces an orgasm far more intense and fulfilling than clitoral stimulation alone.

This is rather convenient, because with your head down there, you are in just the right place to provide the added excitement of G-spot stimulation.

3 Don’t be too rough, and don’t take things for granted

Do not treat her clitoris as if it were a penis! In other words, be sensitive to her needs, and be especially gentle with her clit.

It contains as many nerve endings as a penis, but in a much smaller area, and it can be exquisitely painful if stimulated before she is aroused – or, indeed, after she has come.

To learn the right touch, ask her what feels good and be guided by your female partner.

Find out what she likes, perhaps by watching her masturbate, if she is willing to show you. And don’t assume that you should just put your finger in her vagina and start thrusting it in and out – she may like this, but she may not.

It depends on how aroused she is, how lubricated she is, and how she feels about her body being penetrated (opening physically is easy enough; opening up emotionally and fully giving herself requires that a woman has trust in her partner).

She might appreciate it if you ask her before you insert anything in her vagina: “May I explore your secret place now?” This may sound like a strange question to ask, but many women will find the idea of their man asking for permission to enter their body strangely arousing. It is certainly a respectful thing to do.

One of the things that annoys women during sex is that men ejaculate within a time scale which pleases no-one but themselves. Think of your partner – she needs longer to be fully aroused and satisfied. If you ejaculate too slowly for her pleasure, learn some ways to speed up your premature ejaculation.

4 Learn about her body – especially her clitoris and G-spot.

Well now, do you know where her clitoris is? Hopefully, but if you don’t then you need to find out – and quick! She isn’t going to hang around for ever waiting for you to discover it – especially if she is too shy to tell you herself.

And since the clitoris is the key to women’s sexual pleasure, the sooner you acquaint yourself with it the better.

The clitoris is actually just as variable in shape and size as the penis, and it may be tactless of you to fumble around trying to find it if it’s small or hidden by her labial folds. This site deals with women’s experience of sex in an intelligent and informed way.

As for the G-spot – well, if you don’t know about this, then you are missing a lot of sexual excitement. Any man who has discovered his female partner’s G-spot and knows how she responds to its stimulation knows that it has the capacity to provide an incredible level of sexual pleasure – as well as a type of orgasm which is very different in depth and emotional quality to a clitoral orgasm.

The G-spot is an area of sensitive tissue on the front wall of the vagina between one and two inches inside.

You can best find it by inserting your middle or index finger gently into her when she is aroused with the fingertip facing upwards (assuming she is lying on her back) and slightly hooked, like you were making a beckoning motion with your finger.

Depending on her level of arousal you will feel a small area of raised tissue, perhaps with a gentle slope up to it and away from it as you move deeper into her vagina: its surface texture may be rubbery and ridged or have a soft, swollen, silky feel to it.

The G-spot undergoes a change from rubbery and ridged to soft, swollen and silky as a woman gets more and more aroused. When she’s very aroused, rubbing it in the right way will produce a vaginal orgasm without any clitoral stimulation.

This type of orgasm involves much more flow of erotic and emotional energy all around her body than a clitoral orgasm, which is a lot more focused and localized and does not produce such intense emotional reactions.

(It is not uncommon for a woman to cry and release long-held emotions after an intense G-spot orgasm – but don’t be put off by this, as the experience is a deeply healing one.)

But the remarkable thing about it is that you cannot just rub the G-spot and make her come, because if her level of arousal drops at any point, and you just continue rubbing her G-spot, the chances of her experiencing a vaginal orgasm actually decrease.

You need to be sensitive to how the G-spot responds to what you are doing, and gently alter your stimulation accordingly. As she gets more and more aroused, the stimulation from your fiber will need to be much more intense – a vigorous thrusting movement over the G-spot will bring her to an amazing orgasm, the intensity of which is likely to be quite startling for both of you the first time you experience it.

Many experts on the techniques recommend that you begin by stimulating her clitoris with oral sex and only move into her vagina to stimulate her G-spot with your finger when she is aroused, lubricated and responsive.

You can keep your tongue moving on her clitoris or not – in either case she is likely to have an intense orgasm. One thing that often happens during a G-spot orgasm is that a woman produces vast amounts of lubricating juices which spurt out of her vagina in a female ejaculation.

This is incredibly arousing and sexy – and well worth experiencing! For one thing, when a woman has had a vaginal orgasm, she is usually able to have another very quickly through vaginal intercourse.

If she does, the contractions of her vagina as she orgasms around her mate’s penis often make him come simultaneously – and though simultaneous orgasm is not the be all and end all of sex, it is certainly a powerful, exciting and deeply fulfilling experience.

If she’s having trouble reaching orgasm, a condition known as anorgasmia, read this.

how to please a woman in bed

What Women Want from Men During Sex (Part 2)

5 Find her erogenous zones

Sexual experience for men tends to center on the penis. But it isn’t like this for women – their whole body experience is a sexual organ, and there are plenty of exciting places other than her clitoris, vagina, vulva and breasts.

As her lover, you can seek them out and stimulate them with gentle kisses, touches, or in any other way that you can think of. You can touch, kiss and lick, and see how she responds – a moan or movements of her body which bring her closer to you is a good sign that you are doing something right.

If she looks like she’s working out the shopping list, you need to think of something else to try.

Joking aside, communication is, as always, the key to good sex. But you can’t be expected to read her mind, so there is some responsibility on her to tell you what she likes and doesn’t like. It is always helpful if this feedback is delivered in a positive way – such as: “That’s good, but why don’t you move on to my right elbow?”

If she starts being critical or negative about your efforts, consider first if you are trying to make a meal of, say, her earlobe, and if not, remind her that you need her help in finding the bits that make her squirm when you breath on them, kiss them, or lick then.

Good places to start are her elbows, ankles, feet, wrists, shoulders, and neck. Her inner thighs are likely to be sensitive, too, but don’t head off towards her vagina before she is willing to let you go there – women really do not like men trying to get into their most intimate areas before they are aroused.

You can often tell when she is ready for you to head off in that direction because her legs will open wider and her hips may make gentle thrusting or wave like motions.

One of the most important areas of course is around her vulva and her vagina. These are definitely sexual hotspots! Her vulva, the area around her vaginal opening and the first inch or two inside her vagina are full of sensitive nerve endings that can produce great feelings of pleasure when they are gently rubbed, licked or caressed.

The deeper parts of the vagina are less sensitive. Perhaps this is not too surprising – if they were as sensitive as the outside, giving birth would be an even more painful experience. This insensitivity proves that a large penis (or, at least, a long one) is not necessary for a woman’s sexual pleasure.

As for her breasts, well, this seems to be a very individual thing between women. Only about half of women like men to play with their breasts during sex, and some women actually find it painful. So ask her what she likes.

If she wants you to tell her how wonderful they are, do so (sincerely), and if she wants you to fondle them, do so, paying attention to how she reacts and adapting your touch accordingly.

Gentle flicks of your tongue across her nipples are likely to be arousing for her. Above all, don’t roll her nipples around like radio buttons with your fingertips! 

6 Be a great kisser

Kissing is something women find one of the most sensitive and romantic things a man can do during foreplay. The best way to be good at it is to keep your mind on what you are doing. In other words, focus on the experience, and be there with your mind and your body.

If you imagine that you are communicating tender gentle loving feelings to her as you kiss her, this will make the experience much more meaningful.

7 Learn how to thrust for more than 2 minutes 

Premature ejaculation is not funny at all. In the 1950’s Alfred Kinsey found that almost 80% of men ejaculated within two minutes of entering their partner’s vagina – and little has changed since then!

While it isn’t necessary to thrust for hours, women do like vaginal penetration to be of reasonable length before their partner ejaculates, especially if they have a sensitive G spot.

And you can help you and your partner enjoy sex if you prevent premature ejaculation from dominating your sex life. If you extend the time between penetration and ejaculation, the emotional experience of having you inside her vagina can be extended.

It’s important to remember that for women, sex is often not about orgasm: it’s about intimacy and connection, and the moment of penetration, no matter how sweet it is for you, is symbolic of something much greater for a woman – commitment, trust, honoring you as her man, and love.

After all, it is the way she is potentially impregnated, and to allow you to enter her symbolizes the trust she has in you. It’s good to honor this by not ejaculating within seconds and then turning over and going to sleep. No woman should have to put up with this since it isn’t difficult to learn how to control your ejaculation.

If you’d like to pick up some great sexual hints and tips to improve your sex life, the place to look is any good website on sexual positions and oral sex techniques. This is high quality information to improve your sex life.

8 Vary the positions

Add a little excitement into your sex life – vary the sex positions you use! This will provide her with different types of vaginal stimulation and maintain your interest. If you don’t introduce an element of “sexcitement”, sex can get a bit boring, no matter how much you love someone. There are plenty of sex positions on this site.

9 Keep fit

An attractive body isn’t everything in life, but let’s face it: a reasonable body is sexier than a fat one. Enough said?

10 Talk to her

You might find it hard, but constant reassurance about how attractive she is, how much you love her and fancy her, especially during the act of lovemaking, are going to go a long way to establishing a closer bond and making your sexual experience much more worthwhile.

If you tell her how you are feeling, what you like and don’t like, and why, you may even find that her enthusiasm for pleasing you reaches new heights.

In essence, good communication is the basis of any relationship, and nowhere is that more true than during sex, where failure to communicate can lead to disaster. Remember the statistic that sex is great only 20% of the time – and 20% of the time it’s awful.

When it doesn’t work, you might like to reassure each other that you love each other, and think about what went wrong – and why.

Talking about it will make things much less of an issue, stop resentment festering, and lead to greater emotional security and better sex next time.

11 Three very important things you should do!

ONE – make sure she has an orgasm during sex. If you come, turn over and go to sleep, make sure she gets an orgasm before you have yours. Do it with your fingers, tongue, vibrator, whatever – but make sure she is satisfied.

TWO – let her tell you when you can enter her body with your penis. Whether the woman is on top or not, only she really knows if she is ready for penetration.

She doesn’t have to say it in as many words – learn to read the signals she is giving you in her body and posture and you’ll know when she wants you in her.

Believe me, it’s better that way. But you could ask her if she likes to be taken by surprise once in a while – if she does, then you still need to make sure she is aroused before you enter her.

THREE – let her guide your penis in. This is a good idea because it takes pressure off you and ensures she is ready and happy about penetration.

Sometimes trying to find the opening to her vagina by good luck alone can turn into a comic act. It’s much more elegant, graceful and fun for her to guide you in.

If you are enjoying a teasing session of in and out sex, where you withdraw all the way and then enter her again, you should be able to find the vaginal opening easily, but as a general rule, for the first penetration each time you make love, let her guide you in.

Also, remember that withdrawing and then re-penetrating her vagina is not only very exciting for her, it will allow your arousal to drop and so help you to go on for longer during sex – it’s an effective way of controlling premature ejaculation!

12 Some other good ideas!

Ask for what you want. And be prepared for her to say “No.” Respect that is she does so. Communicate how it feels, what’s good, what’s bad, and what you like.

Take “No” for an answer. If your partner doesn’t want to do something, just respect her wishes. Above all, don’t wheedle and whine like a child.

Don’t be demanding. A woman likes to know you find her attractive and that she turns you on, but she will not want to feel that you expect sex of her as if it is your absolute right, and she’ll be really turned off if you behave in a demanding way.

Slow down. A general rule for good sex (except desperate quickies) is: the slower the better. Be patient with your female partner. And be generous in taking your time as she moves to her climax even if you are getting tired.

Keep the stimulation going in regular, consistent strokes of your finger, penis or tongue. Speed up as she nears her climax, but above all, don’t stop – she will rapidly lose her arousal, and probably end up frustrated and grumpy.

The only time you should stop while making love is if you are teasing her to build up her sexual arousal to high levels. Use whatever are the best sex techniques for you. Don’t assume you need to have an orgasm every time.

Closeness and intimacy are great in themselves. Don’t worry if you can’t get an erection once in a while. It happens to all men – about one time in every five! Respect your partner’s body and mind.

Don’t humiliate or embarrass her (or him) – help her (or him) overcome their inhibitions by positive gentle encouragement.

problems in relationship

Intimacy and Your Relationship

Intimacy and Your Relationship

Couples facing difficulties in achieving intimacy can take steps to improve their relationship and enhance their overall satisfaction. Here are some strategies to help foster a more satisfying and intimate relationship:

Open Communication: Effective communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Create a safe and non-judgmental space for open, honest, and respectful dialogue. Discuss your feelings, desires, concerns, and expectations with your partner. Share your thoughts and actively listen to your partner’s perspective.

Quality Time: Spend quality time together to nurture your connection. Engage in activities that you both enjoy, whether it’s going for walks, cooking together, or pursuing shared hobbies. Make an effort to create meaningful experiences and memories.

Emotional Connection: Emotional intimacy is just as crucial as physical intimacy. Share your emotions, vulnerabilities, and dreams with your partner. Support each other during difficult times and celebrate each other’s successes.

Video – building a better relationship

Affection and Touch: Physical affection, such as cuddling, hugging, and holding hands, can help create a sense of closeness and intimacy. Regular physical touch can strengthen your bond and build anticipation for more intimate moments. And if you have sexual issues, these can be dealt with, either with the help of a therapist, or by using self-help techniques, like this one for delayed ejaculation.

Explore Together: Explore new experiences together, whether it’s trying new activities, traveling to new places, or even introducing novelty in the bedroom. Exploring together can reignite the spark in your relationship.

Sexual Communication: Discuss your sexual desires, needs, and boundaries with your partner. Be open to trying new things and experimenting with different aspects of your sexual relationship. Seek professional help from a therapist or sex counselor if necessary to address specific sexual issues.

Manage Conflict: Conflicts are inevitable in any relationship. Learn healthy conflict resolution strategies, such as active listening, compromise, and finding common ground. Remember that disagreements can be an opportunity for growth and understanding.

Self-Care: Take care of your individual well-being, both physically and emotionally. When each partner prioritizes self-care, it can contribute to a healthier and more satisfying relationship.

Seek Professional Help: If you find that your intimacy issues persist or become a significant source of distress in your relationship, consider seeking the assistance of a qualified therapist or counselor. A professional can provide guidance and strategies to address specific challenges.

Patience and Understanding: Understand that building intimacy takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself and your partner as you work together to strengthen your connection. Avoid unrealistic expectations and focus on progress rather than perfection.

Remember that every couple is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. It’s essential to tailor these strategies to your specific needs and circumstances. The key is to maintain a commitment to improving your relationship and nurturing the intimacy between you and your partner over time.

Intimacy and Your Relationship

A lack of intimacy in a relationship does not necessarily mean that the relationship is destined to fail, but it is a significant concern that should be addressed. Intimacy is an essential component of a healthy and fulfilling romantic relationship, and its absence can lead to issues and challenges that, if left unattended, can strain the relationship. However, whether or not a relationship ultimately succeeds or fails depends on various factors:

Video – intimacy and your relationship

Communication: The willingness and ability of both partners to communicate openly and honestly about their feelings, needs, and concerns are crucial. Lack of intimacy often stems from communication breakdowns, so addressing this issue through effective communication can be transformative.

Effort: Both partners must be willing to make an effort to rebuild intimacy and connection. It takes time and work to nurture intimacy and emotional closeness.

Understanding and Empathy: Empathy for each other’s perspectives and an understanding of the reasons behind the lack of intimacy can be essential. This understanding can lead to more compassion and support.

Seeking Help: If the lack of intimacy persists and the relationship is suffering, seeking the assistance of a qualified therapist or counselor can be highly beneficial. Professionals can help identify the underlying issues and provide guidance on how to address them.

Compatibility and Commitment: Assess whether the fundamental aspects of the relationship, such as shared values, goals, and long-term compatibility, are still intact. A lack of intimacy might be a symptom of more significant compatibility issues.

Individual Growth: Sometimes, a lack of intimacy can be related to individual personal issues or unresolved trauma. Encouraging individual growth and healing can positively impact the relationship.

Time and Patience: Rebuilding intimacy may take time, and it’s essential to be patient with the process. Quick fixes are unlikely, and lasting change often requires ongoing effort.

It’s important to note that relationships go through ups and downs, and periods of lower intimacy can be normal. However, if a lack of intimacy becomes chronic and significantly impacts the overall quality and satisfaction of the relationship, it should not be ignored.

Ultimately, the success or failure of a relationship depends on the willingness and effort of both partners to address issues, work together, and invest in their emotional connection. While a lack of intimacy can be a challenging hurdle, it does not guarantee failure if both individuals are committed to making positive changes and rebuilding their connection.

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Erectile Dysfunction

What causes erectile dysfunction?

Erectile dysfunction or “impotence” means you can’t get or keep an erection that will allow you to penetrate your partner during sex; note that problems such as lack of sexual desire are not the cause of what we call erectile dysfunction, though you may not get an erection if you don’t desire your partner.

Erectile dysfunction varies from the complete inability to get an erection through to the occasional failure of your erection during sex. It also refers to the situation where a man can only keep an erection for a brief time.

It’s been estimated that one visit in fifty to a doctor’s office is related to erectile dysfunction! And it’s become much more widespread in later years – or, at least, the reporting of it has.

 Maybe the fact that men are much more willing to talk to their doctors about erectile dysfunction is something to do with the fact that there has been so much publicity about Viagra lately?

It’s surprising to think that Viagra has been around for some years now; apparently it is mentioned about three million times a year in doctor’s offices, even during appointments which were for conditions that had nothing to do with erectile dysfunction. For example, some men experiencing delayed ejaculation may enquire about Viagra, but this is a drug designed to promote erections, not a drug used to treat delayed ejaculation.

Apparently one man in twenty at the age of forty has erectile dysfunction; and up to a quarter of men at the age of 65 are experiencing some problems with erectile dysfunction.

Video – erectile dysfunction

How an erection develops and the mechanism of erectile dysfunction.

Two chambers known as the corpora cavernosa run along the centre of the penis; these chambers are filled with spongy tissue with great capacity for expansion. The urethra, along which semen and urine flows, is located under the corpora cavernosa; its surrounded by the corpus spongiosum.

An erection begins to develop when a man has either physical or mental stimulation.

Nerve impulses make the muscles of the  corpora cavernosa relax, and this permits blood to flow in. As it does so, it expands the tissues of the corpora cavernosa and causes the penis to increase in size.

The tunica albuginea (the tissue around the corpora) is less flexible – it traps the blood, preventing it flowing out, and therefore keeps the penis erect.

What’s the most likely cause of erectile dysfunction?

There are many steps in an erection, and unfortunately, if the process goes wrong at any of them, a man may find he has erectile dysfunction.

A common cause of erectile dysfunction is damage to any of the tissues of the the penis or pelvic region through atherosclerosis, vascular disease, and neurologic disease (damage to the nerve cells).

This explains a large proportion of erectile dysfunction. And a majority of men with diabetes experience erectile dysfunction.

Aspects of lifestyle like a high fat diet, smoking, and low levels of exercise, both of which contribute to heart disease and vascular problems, also raise a man’s risk of experiencing erectile dysfunction.

Surgery (especially prostatectomy and bladder surgery for cancer) are likely to damage nerves and arteries near the penis, and this can cause erectile dysfunction.

Needless to say, any injury to the pelvic regions in general or the penis, spinal cord, prostate and bladder in particular, can lead to erectile dysfunction by harming nerves, smooth muscles, arteries, and fibrous tissues of the corpora cavernosa.

Many common medicines such as drugs to treat blood pressure, antihistamines, antidepressants, tranquilizers, some appetite suppressants may produce erectile dysfunction as a side effect.

But the really important thing to know is that psychological factors such as stress, anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and sexual anxiety caused by fear of sexual failure, are at the root of a large proportion of erectile dysfunction.

And to make this more complicated, men whose erectile dysfunction is caused by physical problems usually have emotional reactions such as stress, anxiety, guilt, depression.

And finally, other causes of erection problems are smoking, which may affect the blood flow in the veins and arteries of the penis, and hormonal problems including low testosterone.

Diagnosis of erectile dysfunction

Medical history

A man’s medical history can reveal certain causes of erectile dysfunction, while a review of sexual activity might bring to light  problems with sexual desire, libido, erection, ejaculation, or orgasm.

Amazingly, the side effects of drugs can account for 25 percent of erectile dysfunction, and changing medications can often alleviate the problem.

Physical Examination

A physical examination can be helpful in elucidating problems in this area. For example: if a man’s penis does not have normal sensitivity, this may indicate a problem in the nervous system; hormonal problems might be revealed in the state of a man’s musculature or body tissue; and an erect penis with a significant bend might indicate Peyronie’s disease, which can cause erectile problems.

Biochemical tests can also be useful: blood counts, urine analysis, lipid levels, liver enzymes, and free testosterone levels in the blood can provide information about anomalies in the endocrine system and are very useful for men with a low level of sexual desire.

Monitoring erections that occur during sleep (also known as nocturnal penile tumescence) can eliminate physical causes of erectile dysfunction.

A man in good health will have involuntary erections as he sleeps; if he does not, his erectile dysfunction is most probably caused by a physical problem.

How is erectile dysfunction treated?

Most doctors would like to see a combination of treatment approaches – lifestyle changes such as stopping smoking, losing the excess pounds, and increasing one’s level of physical activity may be enough for a man to get his erection back.

Of course, reducing any prescription or non-prescription drugs that may have a role in erectile dysfunction is necessary.

Most useful, though, for the majority of men is sexual psychotherapy. Viagra is a very helpful medication, and in the comparatively small number of cases where this does not work, vacuum cylinders and pumps, may be used. Testosterone administration should always be considered, which may involve hormone replacement therapy in a variety of forms.

Psychotherapy – the best treatment for erectile dysfunction?

A good approach to the treatment of erectile dysfunction whose origin lies in psychological effects is to use any psychotherapy technique which reduces anxiety around sex, relationships or intimacy.

It is necessary for a man’s partner to help with the treatment techniques, which involve gradually increasing levels of intimacy and sexual stimulation. These approaches are also useful when anxiety that arises from physically based erectile dysfunction is being treated.

Drug Therapy

Viagra (sildenafil) and Cialis (tadalafil) have been approved for the treatment of erectile dysfunction. They belong to a group of drugs called phosphodiesterase (PDE) inhibitors, which work by enhancing the effects of nitric oxide (the chemical that relaxes smooth muscles in the erectile mechanism of the penis), or rather preventing its breakdown, thereby allowing it to continue its effect of increasing blood flow.

The advised amount of Viagra as a starting dose is 50 mg, though 25 mg or 100 mg may be required. Cialis starts at 10 mg, and the doctor may adjust this dose to 20 mg or 5 mg as required.

None of these phosphodiesterase inhibitors is to be taken more than once a day and nitrate-based drugs such as nitroglycerin for heart problems can be seriously affected by them. Also, combining a phosphodiesterase inhibitor with an alpha-blocker may result in a drop in blood pressure.

Testosterone can effectively reduce erectile dysfunction in a large number of men with lowered levels of their own testosterone, and men have claimed that other oral drugs such as yohimbine hydrochloride, or the more esoteric dopamine and serotonin agonists are effective, but scientific evidence is lacking.

Vacuum Devices

Mechanical vacuum pumps induce an erection by producing a partial vacuum, the effect of which is to help suck blood into the penis, so it engorges and expands.

These are not penis enlargement pumps, they are medical devices which include an elastic band, which, when fastened around the base of the penis, will ensure the erection is maintained when cylinder is removed, so that a man and his partner will be able to have sexual intercourse.

Alternatively, a stiff rubber sheath may be placed on the penis before it becomes erect and if left in place can help to enable penetration and intercourse.

 

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Sexual Satisfaction In A Relationship Depends on Female Orgasm

Making A Woman Come Is Good For Both Partners!

Over the years many studies have been conducted about women’s sexual satisfaction, and the factors that affect it. For example, Michael Young and his colleagues sent a 70 item questionnaire to several hundred women in relationship with men. From the responses, they were able to understand some of the factors that can change a woman’s  perceptions of sexual satisfaction and pleasure.

They discovered there were a few variables that counted for most of the variation sexual satisfaction among these women. So, to start with, what affects sexual satisfaction is not only about sex: it’s also about non-sexual aspects of the relationship. These include a woman’s overall level of satisfaction with the relationship. And also whether or not a woman reaches orgasm during lovemaking, as well as how often lovemaking takes place. Interestingly enough, these factors also include a woman’s enjoyment of sexual activity above and beyond sexual intercourse.

Unsurprisingly, perhaps, Young discovered that sexual satisfaction is directly related to overall relationship satisfaction. No surprise there, for anyone who has done any work on sexual pleasure and orgasmic frequency with couples will know that when a relationship’s in difficulty, sex is the first thing to disappear from the couple’s agenda.

What this means is that the frequency of sex between a couple is a barometer of the health of the relationship.

There is also a lot of evidence to suggest that sexual satisfaction is directly related to emotional closeness and a feeling of intimacy between two relationship partners.  

Also, and again unsurprisingly, overall sexual satisfaction depends on a high level of sexual functioning – which means achieving orgasm consistently.

Again this doesn’t seem like rocket science, because many of us would feel dissatisfied with sex which didn’t result in orgasm. That’s despite the fact that many women claim the feeling of emotional closeness they get during sex is sufficient reward even without an orgasm.

Even so, it seems that sexual activity which often leads to the woman having an orgasm is directly linked to higher levels of  satisfaction and happiness.

Furthermore, there is a direct correlation between a man’s ability to make a woman come, his interest in bringing a woman to orgasm, and his knowledge about how to give a woman an orgasm, and the overall sexual satisfaction woman in a relationship.

So good sex isn’t just about having orgasms – it’s also about how often you have orgasms! Women and men alike who had a higher frequency of sexual activity reported higher levels sexual satisfaction.

What about the other variables?

Sexual satisfaction also depends on participation in sexual activities that don’t involve sexual intercourse. This actually means oral sex, anal sex and masturbation. 

Interestingly enough, but perhaps again not surprisingly, sexual satisfaction is related to age as well. This is an indication of the greater experience and knowledge we have about how to achieve orgasm as we get older, and perhaps also indicates a reduced sense of inhibition, shame or guilt around sex as we age.

Sidebar – The G Spot

A lot of research has demonstrated that no more than 15% of women reach orgasm during intercourse.

Of course, a lot of women are satisfied with sexual intercourse even if they don’t experience orgasm. But what’s missing from scientific studies? Well, maybe the awareness that there are many ways for a woman to reach orgasm. Indeed, every woman’s body contains many spots which, when stimulated, can result in sexual pleasure and help make her come. 

It’s up to the man and woman to find those erogenous zones, and use them to elicit sexual pleasure – and the satisfaction which follows. When the man is caring enough to find out how to bring a woman to orgasm, a couple will find that sexual satisfaction will increase. So will orgasm frequency and the quality of the relationship, and also their desire for sex. This is a positive feedback loop which works to the benefit of everyone. One of those spots is the G spot.

As we’ve observed elsewhere on this site Ernst Grafenberg was one of the first researchers to confirm there is an erogenous zone on the anterior wall of the vagina where the urethra runs alongside the vagina.

This is an area easily stimulated by finger or penis. The female urethra is surrounded by erectile tissue. This erectile tissue swells up into the area called the G spot. This consists of sensitive tissue which helps a woman reach orgasm when it’s stimulated.

Grafenberg also observed that at the moment of orgasm, clear liquid can be expelled in large quantities from a woman’s urethra. He concluded this was made up of secretions from the glands around the urethra in the vaginal wall.

In man on top sex, the penis rarely stimulates the vaginal G spot directly unless the angle of the male erection is very steep, or the woman alters the positions of her legs, for example by putting her feet on the shoulders of her partner.

Grafenberg observed that rear entry sex was a better way to stimulate the G spot. He referred to it as the anterior vaginal wall and explained how it could make a woman come during intercourse. He observed that “the eroticising effect of rear entry sex is very great, as in this position both partners’ most sensitive areas are brought into closest contact – i.e. the anterior vaginal wall and the glans penis.”

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How to Make A Woman Orgasm & Ejaculate

Squirting Orgasms

One of the things that’s undoubtedly caught many people’s imagination is the idea of female ejaculation, also known as squirting or gushing.

The fluid that is ejected when a woman reaches orgasm is produced in her Skene’s glands or “the female prostate”. There’s been some debate as to whether or not it’s actually urine, but in reality it’s a fluid produced by prostatic tissue surrounding a woman’s urethra.

(Sometimes it can be forced back into the bladder if a woman clamps her muscles down for fear of expelling urine at the moment of orgasm. This seems to account for some studies which suggest the composition of female ejaculate is similar to, well, urine.)

What’s the point of female ejaculation?

It’s exciting, it’s powerful, it increases the sensations a woman feels at the moment of orgasm by many times. It’s a powerful and arousing expression of female sexuality.

A word before we go any further: if you’re worried about a woman peeing rather than ejaculating, have her urinate before sex takes place. That way, whatever she squirts when she comes – or when you the man make her come – is going to be liquid produced during sexual activity.

Simple, yes?

How To Squirt

To make a woman squirt, you need to build her arousal, stimulate her G spot in the correct way, and make sure that she knows what to do and has “permission” to make a mess.

You see, female ejaculation happens when you’ve managed to arouse a woman and then built a level of sexual tension that will take her to a powerful orgasm.

And a great way to make a woman come to enjoy connection, love and affection before you even think of getting sexual. Don’t just enjoy sex and romance in the bedroom – make it a part of your life.

Building love and trust is also important. And it goes without saying, so is knowing the kind of sexual techniques that will arouse your partner when you’re in bed together.

To be honest, if you’re at all interested in making a woman come, then you need to know what you’re doing. In particular you need to have the right emotional and physical techniques at your disposal.

Let’s examine the physical aspects of squirting and G spot stimulation. 

Don’t worry about the exact location of the G Spot. All you need do is insert a finger or two far enough inside her vagina to be able to press on the upper front wall using the pads of your fingers. You may find it easier to use your middle finger or, if you are using two fingers, your middle finger and forefinger.

The G spot is about 1 to 2 inches inside the vagina on the upper wall as a woman lies on her back. Before she’s sexually aroused you can feel this as a ridged area. (Inserting a finger before she’s aroused is not likely to be a good experience for her!)

As the erectile tissue in this part of the body fills with blood, the surface of the G spot becomes smoother and swollen.

When you’ve found the G spot, press and release the area in a rhythmic, regular steady motion. This mirrors the movement of the penis over the G spot, which would be the natural way of stimulating the G spot to the point of female ejaculation.

The rhythmic motion of pressure on the G spot and the release of that pressure allows for the ejaculation of fluid when she comes.

This ejaculation cannot take place if you maintain constant pressure on the G spot because the urethra is effectively blocked. Indeed, if you’ve watched female ejaculation films on the Internet, you’ve probably seen how female squirting takes place when a man removes his finger or penis from the vagina.

So how much force do you use? It’s an important question, because, as you’ve also probably have observed if you’ve watch these films on the Internet, there’s often a huge amount of pressure put on a woman’s G spot before she ejaculates.

But in reality, different women have different physiology, so you really need to discover what makes your partner ejaculate. It could be a big mistake to copy or imitate anything you’ve seen on the Internet!

Remember, the objective of this whole process is to make your woman come in a way which is much more powerful and enjoyable for her.

And that in turn requires you to be sensitive to what she needs to pleasure her sexually. Knowing what to do with a woman in bed is art rather than science, so it’s wiser to take “instructions” as guidelines. That way, you can adapt what you’re doing when the need arises so as to better suit your partner.

The classic motion that’s described in many places is a hooking of your fingers in a come-hither motion, as you move them backwards and forwards over the G spot area.

However, I have seen other experts suggesting all you need to do is sweep your fingers rhythmically over the surface of the G spot. It’s up to you to find out which techniques will make your partner come.

Of course one of things that any woman needs to know is what to do – she’s got to learn to squirt.

If you want the pleasure of seeing your partner squirt, and she doesn’t know how to do it, then you must take the lead in telling her what to do.

So: you have your fingers inside her? Then tell her to tighten her muscles around your fingers.

When she’s tightened her vaginal muscles around your fingers, you can ask her to relax them. Now you can tell her to “push out” instead, to open up, just as she does when she’s peeing.

It may take a while for her to learn how to push, or rather, to become confident enough to do so, but when she does, you’ll feel her push your finger out of her vagina.

The next step is to tell her that when she reaches orgasm she’s got to push out when she comes. Even if she feels like she’s going to pee, and even if liquid starts spraying around, she must continue to push. So having towels around and making sure she knows this could get messy is important!

She needs to continue to push out even when the fluid begins to squirt.

And you may also have to remind her to push at the point where you start stimulating her G spot in a fast rhythmic way. If you hear a splashy sound, she’s almost certain to squirt in a moment or two.

At the moment of orgasm, her female ejaculatory fluid will most likely spray out forcibly through her urethra in large amounts.

You can continue G spot stimulation til her orgasm ends. Share the experience, discuss with her how it felt for her, and make sure you thank her for the excitement and the shared experience.

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G spot Orgasms

G Spot Techniques To Help A Woman Orgasm

First of all, remember that while you as a man may be very penis-centred, it’s quite probable that for a woman, the most stimulating and exciting things she can have in her vagina are either your tongue or your fingers.

Although it may be psychologically exciting for a woman to be penetrated, she most likely will not reach orgasm that way. So the real reason to use a finger rather than a penis to bring a woman to orgasm by stimulating her G spot is practical. It may take a long time and most men ejaculate far too soon if they are using their penis! And when a man ejaculates, that usually means sex is over…

Trying to make a woman come by means of intercourse alone usually does not work. When you thrust into her with your penis,  you may simply come too soon. You may not be able to continue thrusting for long enough to provide enough stimulation to her G spot to allow a woman to reach orgasm in this way.

women orgasming during intercourse
Fortunate indeed are the women who can reach orgasm during intercourse.

And sadly, no matter what you might think about your ability as a lover, the truth is that giving pleasure to a woman is absolutely essential. In other words, to make a woman come, you need to focus on what will give her the greatest sensation and the greatest pleasure.

Ask your woman what she thinks about the merits of penile and finger penetration, and you might be surprised. And if you really want to make a woman come with squirting orgasms, you’re definitely going to have to use your fingers.

Bring Her Off Elegantly

The act of penetration is a very profound emotional event for a woman. It isn’t just about having sex. Women can detach from feeling easily enough. That includes having intercourse without feeling very much at all about the man who’s thrusting into them.

But to fully engage, both emotionally and spiritually, with the woman to whom you are making love, you need to understand the meaning of penetration fully. That is when she opens both her heart and body to you. This will only happen if you are in a relationship of respect and trust.

Furthermore, if she’s opened her heart to you and is emotionally connected with you, sex will be better. This requires you to demonstrate your love to her by romantic gestures, affection, kindness and attention. All of that is the kind of foreplay which starts long before you even get into the bedroom.

But then, assuming you have that connection, there are some practical issues to consider as well: clean fingernails, hangnails removed, nails filed smooth, and plenty of lubricant available.

Penetration & Orgasm

Inserting your fingers into a woman’s vagina is a very intimate and personal act. Needless to say, you can’t have too much lubricant. So, first and foremost, make sure only to start fingering her when she is highly aroused and ready for penetration. If you need to, add plenty of extra artificial lubricant.

You know how to arouse a woman with foreplay, kissing, caressing, stroking, eye gazing, yes? Great! Use all those techniques and she should be aroused quite soon….

But even with her own natural lubricant flowing freely, it’s quite likely that you’re going to need a long period of vaginal stimulation with your finger, and quite a bit of pressure on her G spot, to make her come.

To do that safely and comfortably for her, you will need plenty of lubricant. You can use grapeseed oil, coconut oil, or some other oil-based lubricant that’s gentle and soft on her internal tissues.

How to Finger A Girl To Orgasm

If you’re sensitive to her body language it will be clear to you when your girl is really aroused and ready for penetration. Then….

Slowly put one finger inside her, well lubricated, of course. Start with one finger always – although you may think two is a better number, wait for her to agree that she wants more stimulation.

And remember also to keep your focus on your partner, not her vagina. Continue to look at her. You must communicate with her while you’re stimulating her G spot to make her come. Continue to kiss, talk, look in her eyes, and use your other hand to stroke the rest of her body.

Now, when you’re penetrating a girl with your finger, remember you are touching one of her most sensitive places. The last thing you want to do is simply poke your finger in and out! You must stimulate her G spot correctly. That’s how you can make her come with internal stimulation alone (i.e. without any additional clitoral stimulation).

You can also stimulate a deeper part of her vagina called the anterior fornix zone. 

Stimulation inside her vagina can give a woman a powerful orgasm

And you will be surprised how easy it is to give a woman an orgasm if you do it the right way.

The G spot is between 1 and 3 inches inside the vagina on the front or upper wall as she lies on her back.

The texture of the G spot is almost always going to be ridged and rough until a woman’s become highly aroused. 

You don’t need to be pressing precisely on a particular point when you stimulate a woman’s G spot: by inserting your finger and pressing the pad of one or two fingers up against the upper vaginal wall, you’re going to find her G spot, and you will see a change in her breathing or facial expression when you touch it.

You may need to be fairly forceful: you can start out with gentler movements and work up to more pressure as you see how she takes it… 

Also remember that when stimulating the G spot, or indeed the anterior fornix zone she may stop you, because she feels like she’s going to pee.

The best way to avoid this is to have your woman urinate before you get into bed. This illusion of needing to pee comes from stimulation of the urethra which is adjacent to the vagina. If she knows her bladder is empty before you start making love, there should be no problem.

Problems!

If you give up too easily, the whole business of making a woman come is going to pass you by. So have her urinate before you start. Tell her this temporary feeling of needing to pee during your stimulation is just a feeling that will pass.

You also need to use a regular rhythm which mirrors the repeated in and out motion of penile thrusting. (As I already said, most men can’t sustain intercourse for long enough to make a woman come in this way – that’s why you’re using your fingers.)

Of course your fingers can stimulate the sensitive area of her vagina much faster and more directly than your penis could during sexual intercourse. In other words, this is an easy and reliable way to give a woman an orgasm. You can make a woman come quickly and efficiently with this technique.

If she starts to produce fluid and ejaculates, don’t freak out. This is not urine. And we’re going to look at squirting orgasms here.

Other Things To Think About

Some women report that when their G spot is stimulated they feel sensations which are unpleasant. This fact has been interpreted by some sex experts over the years to mean that sexual trauma is stored in the G spot. They suggest there is a need for a process of healing or “awakening” before a woman is able to reach orgasm easily through G spot stimulation.

Tantric sex therapy bears this out. Tantra has demonstrated that stimulation of the G spot can produce all kinds of emotional release. This release includes crying, laughing, anger, fear, sadness guilt, and shame. All of these emotions, and more, appear to be triggered by simulation of the G spot in some women.

One idea is that every sexual trauma produces some kind of body memory which is stored as a body memory in or around the G spot. This “trauma” might include something as apparently insignificant as a reluctant agreement to engage in sexual intercourse.

For men who are new to this, stimulating the G spot in their woman for the first time can produce extraordinary emotional responses. And so it’s important you don’t respond as if this emotion is directed at you, particularly if your woman’s releasing anger. It has nothing to do with you! She is simply releasing repressed emotions from her past.

This release somehow “opens” a woman’s body up to the potential of greater sexual pleasure than may be achieved through clitoral stimulation alone.

We know that the G spot is supplied by a different set of nerves to the clitoris (the pelvic nerve rather than the pudendal nerve). So perhaps stimulation of the G spot is activating a different nerve complex which feels different and indeed produces a different sexual experience for the woman.

From female orgasm facts: The vaginal orgasm involves both pudendal and pelvic nerves; the clitoral orgasm involves just the pudendal nerves (there’s more information on this aspect of sexual anatomy below).

Basically the clitoral nerve complex is supplied by the pelvic nerve, whereas the vaginal nerve supply comes from the pudendal nerve. These nerves have different functions and connect into different areas of the body. They may well be responsible for the different quality of orgasm that result from sexual stimulation of the various parts of a woman’s body.

If you’re a kind of curious type, you might be interested in finding out more and reading up on how to make a woman climax.  However, as long as you and your partner are finding satisfying ways to receive sexual pleasure and you’re respecting your own sexual boundaries, there’s no problem!

Particularly if you’re enjoying orgasms on a regular basis, there’s no reason why you necessarily should want to explore these different aspects of female sexuality. That’s what I say, but some people claim that reaching high levels of sexual pleasure is an essential part of continuing your exploration of your own body and its sexual potential.

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The G spot and Its Role In Making A Woman Come

The G spot

With the benefit of an internet connection and plenty of porn at your disposal, you probably know where the G spot is. But you may not know what to do with it…. so let’s find out.

The G spot is a very sensitive erogenous zone inside the vagina. (In case you don’t know, an erogenous zone is a part of the body which is particularly sensitive to sexual stimulation.)

So, there’s this special area inside the vagina – the G spot – which is able to produce very pleasurable and intense sexual and orgasmic feelings.

And science has demonstrated that every woman has a G spot, although in some women it seems to be very elusive. You know this, maybe? Perhaps you’ve had some trouble locating it. Maybe you have found it but you just can’t seem to stimulate it in a way which produces pleasure in your woman. And as for making her wriggle and even ejaculate with pleasure as she comes, well… damn those porno films! It looks so easy there…!

But this is hardly surprising really. For years even the medical profession didn’t accept there was such a thing as the G spot! So how could a poor woman (who was merely born with one) be sure there was such a thing either?

The truth is that these days MRI scans have demonstrated every woman has a G spot. Every woman is therefore capable of even more powerful orgasms with squirting or gushing as an optional extra!

If you’re not sure about your own or your woman’s G spot, keep in mind that this area isn’t the same in all women. Therefore, you might find the descriptions you read on the Internet don’t apply to you or your partner.

Still want to try and find her G spot?

Here’s how. As your woman lies on her back, feel inside her on the upper wall of her vagina , anywhere from near the entrance to about 2 inches inside.

This area is highly sensitive, or it lies over highly sensitive tissue, but in either case, touching it will produce strong feelings of sexual pleasure. Although touching it can also release repressed feelings from the past, including anger and grief. 

The sensations vary from woman to woman; for example, one description we’ve heard is “something like a warm flushing feeling that moves deeply through the entire body”.

Some women find G spot stimulation produces an emotional experience rather than a physical experience of pleasure. But whatever it feels like, it can certainly be a much deeper experience than a woman gets from stimulation of the clitoris alone. In essence, G spot feelings have an emotional component as well as a sexual component for many women.

The Female Prostate

The female prostate (aka Skene’s glands) is another term for the G spot. This tissue seems to be very similar to that of the male prostate gland. It can produce chemicals similar to those made by the male prostate.

Sure, there’s no reason for this fluid to be produced in woman, so you can regard this as the same sort of phenomenon as male nipples. They have no function in terms of child-rearing – they just happen to be in the human genes.

One interesting similarity between the male prostate and the female G spot is that when the G spot and prostate are stimulated  by sexual arousal, they both produce a kind of fluid. In a woman, this is unlike the lubricating fluid produced in the vagina during clitoral stimulation. 

Some women say they ejaculate a clear fluid and some say they ejaculate a white milky fluid during an orgasm induced by G Spot stimulation.

Making A Woman Come With G Spot Stimulation

To start, we’d like to describe how a woman can find her own G spot.

Lie on your back, and relax, making sure you will have time when you’re not going to be disturbed, time in which you can enjoy pleasuring yourself.

Bend your knees up, and spread your legs, so that your vagina is easily accessible. Locate your hand in front of your vagina with the palm facing up, and insert one or two fingers inside. As you do so, press them up against the upper vaginal wall an inch or two inside.

You’ll feel some spongy, ridged tissue, which may not necessarily feel like it’s going to give you any pleasurable sensations.

Gently massaging this area with plenty of lubricant, particularly when you’re sexually aroused, will likely produce a change in the texture of the internal tissue. The texture may, for example, change from ridged to smooth and full. This change is due to engorgement with fluid in response to increasing sexual arousal. At some point you may find you suddenly have an urge to urinate. This is a sign you’ve found your G spot and you’re in the “right” place.

Some women think it feels as if they’re going to urinate, but this is a sensation which will pass quite quickly if you continue to stimulate your G spot. If you’re in any doubt about this, empty your bladder before starting your exploration.

As you continue stimulating the area, you’re going to probably find a different kind of sensation, more pleasurable, beginning to develop.

So now, experiment with different pressures, different forms of touch, different speeds of movement, and different types of movement, to see what happens.

If you’re on your own, there’s no reason to feel worried or inhibited about what’s going to happen (whatever that is). Rather, simply decide that you can let yourself go, and enjoy an orgasm if it happens.

If you’re worried about producing fluid or “squirting”, then simply put some thick towels underneath you so there’s no danger of making a mess in the bed.

G Spot exploration as a couple

Suppose you’re with a partner, and you’d like him (or her) to explore your G spot. A great way to start is to have him or her insert two well-lubed fingers inside your vagina and move them gently along the upper vaginally wall. Remember, the more aroused you are, the more it’s going to swell, and the more obvious it will be. You may wish to  delay the moment of “finger entry” into the vagina, and his or her search for the elusive G spot, until you’re feeling some degree of sexual arousal.

Perhaps a better way to enjoy this exploration is to start with clitoral stimulation. This will arouse you sexually, until, at a certain point, a finger or two in your vagina will become beautifully pleasurable in combination with the clitoral stimulation.

Of course a man who’s stimulating in this way has no way of knowing what feels good to you. Give him some feedback, and explain to him how you’d like him to move his finger. That might be in circles, from side to side, backwards and forwards, whatever.

But the important thing is that when he begins to do something which feels good to you, you should tell him to continue!

And you may wish to ask him to experiment with harder pressure. The G spot is tough enough, even though it feels soft and swollen!