5 Find her erogenous zones
Sexual experience for men tends to center on the penis. But it isn’t like this for women – their whole body experience is a sexual organ, and there are plenty of exciting places other than her clitoris, vagina, vulva and breasts.
As her lover, you can seek them out and stimulate them with gentle kisses, touches, or in any other way that you can think of. You can touch, kiss and lick, and see how she responds – a moan or movements of her body which bring her closer to you is a good sign that you are doing something right.
If she looks like she’s working out the shopping list, you need to think of something else to try.
Joking aside, communication is, as always, the key to good sex. But you can’t be expected to read her mind, so there is some responsibility on her to tell you what she likes and doesn’t like. It is always helpful if this feedback is delivered in a positive way – such as: “That’s good, but why don’t you move on to my right elbow?”
If she starts being critical or negative about your efforts, consider first if you are trying to make a meal of, say, her earlobe, and if not, remind her that you need her help in finding the bits that make her squirm when you breath on them, kiss them, or lick then.
Good places to start are her elbows, ankles, feet, wrists, shoulders, and neck. Her inner thighs are likely to be sensitive, too, but don’t head off towards her vagina before she is willing to let you go there – women really do not like men trying to get into their most intimate areas before they are aroused.
You can often tell when she is ready for you to head off in that direction because her legs will open wider and her hips may make gentle thrusting or wave like motions.
One of the most important areas of course is around her vulva and her vagina. These are definitely sexual hotspots! Her vulva, the area around her vaginal opening and the first inch or two inside her vagina are full of sensitive nerve endings that can produce great feelings of pleasure when they are gently rubbed, licked or caressed.
The deeper parts of the vagina are less sensitive. Perhaps this is not too surprising – if they were as sensitive as the outside, giving birth would be an even more painful experience. This insensitivity proves that a large penis (or, at least, a long one) is not necessary for a woman’s sexual pleasure.
As for her breasts, well, this seems to be a very individual thing between women. Only about half of women like men to play with their breasts during sex, and some women actually find it painful. So ask her what she likes.
If she wants you to tell her how wonderful they are, do so (sincerely), and if she wants you to fondle them, do so, paying attention to how she reacts and adapting your touch accordingly.
Gentle flicks of your tongue across her nipples are likely to be arousing for her. Above all, don’t roll her nipples around like radio buttons with your fingertips!
6 Be a great kisser
Kissing is something women find one of the most sensitive and romantic things a man can do during foreplay. The best way to be good at it is to keep your mind on what you are doing. In other words, focus on the experience, and be there with your mind and your body.
If you imagine that you are communicating tender gentle loving feelings to her as you kiss her, this will make the experience much more meaningful.
7 Learn how to thrust for more than 2 minutes
Premature ejaculation is not funny at all. In the 1950’s Alfred Kinsey found that almost 80% of men ejaculated within two minutes of entering their partner’s vagina – and little has changed since then!
While it isn’t necessary to thrust for hours, women do like vaginal penetration to be of reasonable length before their partner ejaculates, especially if they have a sensitive G spot.
And you can help you and your partner enjoy sex if you prevent premature ejaculation from dominating your sex life. If you extend the time between penetration and ejaculation, the emotional experience of having you inside her vagina can be extended.
It’s important to remember that for women, sex is often not about orgasm: it’s about intimacy and connection, and the moment of penetration, no matter how sweet it is for you, is symbolic of something much greater for a woman – commitment, trust, honoring you as her man, and love.
After all, it is the way she is potentially impregnated, and to allow you to enter her symbolizes the trust she has in you. It’s good to honor this by not ejaculating within seconds and then turning over and going to sleep. No woman should have to put up with this since it isn’t difficult to learn how to control your ejaculation.
If you’d like to pick up some great sexual hints and tips to improve your sex life, the place to look is any good website on sexual positions and oral sex techniques. This is high quality information to improve your sex life.
8 Vary the positions
Add a little excitement into your sex life – vary the sex positions you use! This will provide her with different types of vaginal stimulation and maintain your interest. If you don’t introduce an element of “sexcitement”, sex can get a bit boring, no matter how much you love someone. There are plenty of sex positions on this site.
9 Keep fit
An attractive body isn’t everything in life, but let’s face it: a reasonable body is sexier than a fat one. Enough said?
10 Talk to her
You might find it hard, but constant reassurance about how attractive she is, how much you love her and fancy her, especially during the act of lovemaking, are going to go a long way to establishing a closer bond and making your sexual experience much more worthwhile.
If you tell her how you are feeling, what you like and don’t like, and why, you may even find that her enthusiasm for pleasing you reaches new heights.
In essence, good communication is the basis of any relationship, and nowhere is that more true than during sex, where failure to communicate can lead to disaster. Remember the statistic that sex is great only 20% of the time – and 20% of the time it’s awful.
When it doesn’t work, you might like to reassure each other that you love each other, and think about what went wrong – and why.
Talking about it will make things much less of an issue, stop resentment festering, and lead to greater emotional security and better sex next time.
11 Three very important things you should do!
ONE – make sure she has an orgasm during sex. If you come, turn over and go to sleep, make sure she gets an orgasm before you have yours. Do it with your fingers, tongue, vibrator, whatever – but make sure she is satisfied.
TWO – let her tell you when you can enter her body with your penis. Whether the woman is on top or not, only she really knows if she is ready for penetration.
She doesn’t have to say it in as many words – learn to read the signals she is giving you in her body and posture and you’ll know when she wants you in her.
Believe me, it’s better that way. But you could ask her if she likes to be taken by surprise once in a while – if she does, then you still need to make sure she is aroused before you enter her.
THREE – let her guide your penis in. This is a good idea because it takes pressure off you and ensures she is ready and happy about penetration.
Sometimes trying to find the opening to her vagina by good luck alone can turn into a comic act. It’s much more elegant, graceful and fun for her to guide you in.
If you are enjoying a teasing session of in and out sex, where you withdraw all the way and then enter her again, you should be able to find the vaginal opening easily, but as a general rule, for the first penetration each time you make love, let her guide you in.
Also, remember that withdrawing and then re-penetrating her vagina is not only very exciting for her, it will allow your arousal to drop and so help you to go on for longer during sex – it’s an effective way of controlling premature ejaculation!
12 Some other good ideas!
Ask for what you want. And be prepared for her to say “No.” Respect that is she does so. Communicate how it feels, what’s good, what’s bad, and what you like.
Take “No” for an answer. If your partner doesn’t want to do something, just respect her wishes. Above all, don’t wheedle and whine like a child.
Don’t be demanding. A woman likes to know you find her attractive and that she turns you on, but she will not want to feel that you expect sex of her as if it is your absolute right, and she’ll be really turned off if you behave in a demanding way.
Slow down. A general rule for good sex (except desperate quickies) is: the slower the better. Be patient with your female partner. And be generous in taking your time as she moves to her climax even if you are getting tired.
Keep the stimulation going in regular, consistent strokes of your finger, penis or tongue. Speed up as she nears her climax, but above all, don’t stop – she will rapidly lose her arousal, and probably end up frustrated and grumpy.
The only time you should stop while making love is if you are teasing her to build up her sexual arousal to high levels. Use whatever are the best sex techniques for you. Don’t assume you need to have an orgasm every time.
Closeness and intimacy are great in themselves. Don’t worry if you can’t get an erection once in a while. It happens to all men – about one time in every five! Respect your partner’s body and mind.
Don’t humiliate or embarrass her (or him) – help her (or him) overcome their inhibitions by positive gentle encouragement.